Something like that? My real heart's destroyed, but this thing [He taps his chest where the device is.] keeps things going. It uses my own life energy instead of aer to keep going, that's why it's still working, I figure.
[Once the cats out of the bag he might as well give the logistics!!]
[ There is, in fact, an answer to this: it's the adrenaline. It's the feeling of control, taking his intangible, unactionable thoughts and feelings and translating them into the undeniable reality of bruised knuckles and broken noses. Even if he can't always change his situation, or have things go his way, he always, always has his fists.
Honestly, if he thinks too hard about it, he hates himself for it. Sure, he tries to channel that energy for good, getting that thrill of a good hit in against people who deserve to be taken down a notch. But it doesn't change the fact that, for lack of any better way to articulate his feelings, violence has always been his security blanket.
But Vezda has never had words to describe this, so what he actually ends up saying is this. ]
It's a good way to keep yourself focused. On the important stuff that's right in front of you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Once the cats out of the bag he might as well give the logistics!!]
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That have anything to do with that whole "I'm already dead" thing you mentioned earlier?
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[NO BUCKY, HE ACTUALLY SURVIVED HIS HEART BEING DESTROYED, DYING WAS ANOTHER THING.]
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But alright, sure, I get it.
So you've been dead for ten years, then?
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[He's... alive right now, technically??? He's pretty sure.]
But yeah, it's been ten years just about, since I died.
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He nods, as though satisfied by this somehow. ]
Well, in that case, welcome to the dead guys' club.
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[Being frozen is clearly different from dying.]
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...and 10 years ago.
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[Squints]
Ya gonna explain that or just leave it a big mystery?
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I died twice and got brought back both times. Not much of a mystery.
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Must be nice ta have friends willing ta stick their necks out for ya like that.
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[Feels like there's a piece missing in the story here.]
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[ Even Vezda can tell there's some missing info here. ]
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[Hm.]
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You know, that's pretty much exactly what I got thrown in the freezer for for decades. Anyone who talks like that deserves to get their ass kicked.
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... Eh. I wouldn't go that far. I think that was his way of tellin' me not to go trying ta throw my life away again.
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So just an asshole, then, not a monster.
...still probably deserves to get his ass kicked, though.
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[A fightbrained idiot.]
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Honestly, if he thinks too hard about it, he hates himself for it. Sure, he tries to channel that energy for good, getting that thrill of a good hit in against people who deserve to be taken down a notch. But it doesn't change the fact that, for lack of any better way to articulate his feelings, violence has always been his security blanket.
But Vezda has never had words to describe this, so what he actually ends up saying is this. ]
It's a good way to keep yourself focused. On the important stuff that's right in front of you.
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[Yeah, unfortunately, Raven does not get the full breadth of Bucky's thoughts from what he said.]
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