It might be kind of hard to find Vezda because he is very intentionally trying to hide himself, but in the end, he can be found in the music room. He's huddled underneath a piano, curled up. It would be very easy to miss him in here, actually, if not for his jagged breathing giving him away. ]
[Yeah, Raven heard the dustup earlier, but then it seemed like Hikaru had it handled, so he'd left it alone, knowing the more people got involved, the more capacity for things to blow up grew. Instead, once he noted people had dispersed, he'd given Bucky a little time to process on his own, before setting off to find him. Hikaru probably had Kano handled, as well as anyone could handle that boy.
But he liked Bucky! And wow, he seems to not be doing so hot. Raven drops to a crouch next to the piano.]
You keep flinging yerself to all ends of the emotional spectrum, huh? [Like a toddler. Get real mad and then completely crash. But he won't say that part out loud.]
[ Jesus. When he sees Raven crouch down, he flinches, like he's been caught doing something shameful. Which, in a way, he supposes this is. He's keenly aware of how childish and pathetic this looks and doesn't want someone to be seeing this. He ducks his head down to keep his face out of view and throws an arm out blindly to try to get Raven to back off.
[It really is all very childish. And suddenly, a thought occurs to Raven, as he shifts his weight back to sit down on the floor proper, just out of Bucky's swatting range.]
Course not. I'm not interesting in fighting. Just thought you could use th' company.
[ Well actually he hates the company! Thanks for fucking asking!!!! He hates that he shat the bed so bad with Kano right in front of everyone, and he hates that he can't even go sulk in a corner about it in peace without someone witnessing all his shame.
It's hard enough to deal with being a piece of shit. It's harder trying to hide it because someone else is in the room now.
He grinds out a single, venomous word: ]
What?
[ He's not combative right now, not really, but it's much easier to sound that way than it is to sound vulnerable. ]
[Wow we will try to unpack all of that later, Bucky, but first things first.]
Now don't take this the wrong way, but how old are ya right now? [He's not trying to call you a child he's just looking for confirmation of his theory.]
[ It's a weird noise, somewhere between a snort and a mean, self-deprecating laugh. He uncurls, just a bit, but keeps his gaze firmly cast downwards with a hand covering his eyes. ]
Hell if I know. Last I can remember, I was 20, but I...I know I'm missing a lot.
Well no wonder, then. 20 year olds are idiots. I was a real dumbass at that age. If anything I'm impressed yer holding it together as much as ya have been. Missing huge chunks of yer life is miserable, I get that. [That whole Schwann nonsense. Schwannsense if you will.]
[ On reflex, he wants to say he isn't a dumbass, that he's plenty smart and more capable than plenty of men twice his age. But, well. He did just nearly murder Kano. So.
Still, Raven's words almost feel like a mockery. Like a practical joke--"hey, you nearly killed some defenseless kid, but at least you're not crying about how miserable you are!" What a load of shit. He's supposed to be better than this.
He has to swallow around the lump in his throat a few times before he's confident enough to try saying anything again. ]
[He doesn't know what he said wrong but he can sure tell that it was.]
Sorry. I'm just tryin' ta commiserate with ya. Whatever it is that's got you all worked up, I ain't gonna judge. <small.[Because he's made so many mistakes himself.]
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W5, THURSDAY
It might be kind of hard to find Vezda because he is very intentionally trying to hide himself, but in the end, he can be found in the music room. He's huddled underneath a piano, curled up. It would be very easy to miss him in here, actually, if not for his jagged breathing giving him away. ]
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But he liked Bucky! And wow, he seems to not be doing so hot. Raven drops to a crouch next to the piano.]
You keep flinging yerself to all ends of the emotional spectrum, huh?
[Like a toddler. Get real mad and then completely crash. But he won't say that part out loud.]
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When he speaks, his voice is rough. ]
What, you wanna make something of it?
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Course not. I'm not interesting in fighting. Just thought you could use th' company.
[Hm. He's hesitant to bring it up, but;]
Also, I've got a question for ya.
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It's hard enough to deal with being a piece of shit. It's harder trying to hide it because someone else is in the room now.
He grinds out a single, venomous word: ]
What?
[ He's not combative right now, not really, but it's much easier to sound that way than it is to sound vulnerable. ]
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Now don't take this the wrong way, but how old are ya right now?
[He's not trying to call you a child he's just looking for confirmation of his theory.]
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Hell if I know. Last I can remember, I was 20, but I...I know I'm missing a lot.
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Well no wonder, then. 20 year olds are idiots. I was a real dumbass at that age. If anything I'm impressed yer holding it together as much as ya have been. Missing huge chunks of yer life is miserable, I get that.
[That whole Schwann nonsense. Schwannsense if you will.]
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[ On reflex, he wants to say he isn't a dumbass, that he's plenty smart and more capable than plenty of men twice his age. But, well. He did just nearly murder Kano. So.
Still, Raven's words almost feel like a mockery. Like a practical joke--"hey, you nearly killed some defenseless kid, but at least you're not crying about how miserable you are!" What a load of shit. He's supposed to be better than this.
He has to swallow around the lump in his throat a few times before he's confident enough to try saying anything again. ]
Like that's got anything to do with anything.
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Sorry. I'm just tryin' ta commiserate with ya. Whatever it is that's got you all worked up, I ain't gonna judge.
<small.[Because he's made so many mistakes himself.]
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...I can't believe it. I was more of an asshole before I forgot the rest of my life, but at least I didn't try to kill anyone.
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[He thinks Bucky is kind of an asshole but like the fun kind? So it's fine.]
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[Hm.]
Does it help if I say I never would have called ya the former over the latter?
[You were always pretty feral in his experience, buddy.]
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he remembers what he was like a few weeks ago, raven, he knows he was a grouch ]
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[Are they???????]
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he sighs. ]
What's there to help anyway? Can't exactly undo a murder attempt.