(He lets some time pass before he seeks out Raven, or rather, First Captain Schwann Oltorain. This is a complicated matter, something that he'd prefer to handle tactfully instead of emotionally.
(Emotions are pesky things) (Able to slip through cracks) (Reveal what's truly going on behind the mask)
It's best if he figures out his own thoughts and feelings before approaching. And when he's finally ready, he hails Schwann down. Claude's feelings are as sure and determined as ever! He refuses to be shaken about this. And he only has to redirect his drive, shifting from "the bigger picture" to the "piece in front of him."
It isn't perfect. Emotions are pesky. (Especially when they're forced into the open like this)
And there's an underlying tension to it all. The air isn't as light as it should be. It's heavier because this is something serious.
It's fine. He knows he isn't the only one who has to put their feelings out into the open. He's counting on this week's strange effect to really pick at Schwann.)
I hope I'm not distracting you from anything, Captain. (His tone is airy,) I'll try to not keep you too long.
(He's willing to stick with this as long as he has to.)
[Schwann seems less concerned about the weekly effect than Raven was. Perhaps it has something to do with how the overriding sentiment he gives off seems to be just... nothing. Ennui, indifference in a manor that’s less callous and more that of a man too tired to be properly sad all the time.
You’d have never thought Raven a dead man but Schwann? Well, it makes some sense.]
It’s quite alright. I am not busy. Was there something you needed? [He forgoes the salute since Claude expressed not liking that.]
(Honestly, he was wondering if Schwann would be one of those guys who insists on formality over another's comfort so he's pleased when their greeting is, well, as normal as it can be.
He notes how flat the air feels around the other. It's so flat and heavy, he thinks. Yes, it does remind him of something dying hopelessly. )
Yes and no. (He came here with a plan,) First, I want to see how you're adjusting to your new character. Do you understand where you are? What tonight means?
(The air shifts. Concern. He's worried about him right now.)
It's not new to me. [He almost, just, very slightly, faintly, seemed offended.]
I understand the situation. I... remember having talked to people here, previously, but the memories are.... hard to fully grasp. [He assumes because they rightly belong to Raven. He can't really remember that side of the conversation, and has only broad strokes of what others said to him.]
Unfortunately I'm not optimistic enough to think no one will die tonight.
(If this is a result of Raven forgetting himself, then Schwann was always there. )
Should I welcome you back then, Captain? (Lightly,) "Welcome back."
(He hums, acknowledging his answer and replies,)
Neither am I. That's why I wanted to make sure you understood the situation. There are people here who would help you, captain, myself included. You don't have to be alone tonight.
(Claude would stay with him and he knows others would as well.
Tapping his chin, thinking,)
I'll be honest, my reasons for wanting to speak to you are largely selfish. We've spoken about some... sensitive things and I want to see if you recall them or not and find out what you think about this information now.
You've presented yourself as a dependable knight, willing or not (The lack of desire he's sensed from Schwann doesn't leave him feeling very optimistic,) and I would like to trust you. But the reality is, you never told me about this part of yourself so we'll have to start from the beginning.
I have plans for tonight, you needn't worry. [He's been invited... all is well. (Except then it wasn't but spoilers.)]
... I'm willing to answer some questions. I do remember what you told me, about the Leicester Alliance and your position within it. Your upbringing. [Yeah. All of that seems clear enough? Even if he can't really remember the details of the conversations he learned it.]
[A laugh at that. Yeah, Schwann is popular. Because people don't know who he really is. They just see a knight in shining armor. A war hero. They just see the lies.]
Is that what it was? Lup told me "Raven" worked for the Don but didn't specify. [Is that really all it was? Well, even if it was a low ranking role, as long as he interfaced with the Don directly, it'd be a good way to get information without attracting attention.]
There isn't much to tell. As First Captain, I report directly to the Commandant. My brigade is small because I spend most of my time on individual assignments from him. Better to keep me out of the public eye so they can maintain the myth of dashing war hero Schwann Oltorian.
Well, you told me a little bit more than that... and I could infer the rest. Do you remember our last conversation? It takes a liar to recognize a liar.
(He was a spy. And yet, now Claude wonders if there was even more to that. A spy pretending to be a spy... how deeply layered that is and what implications it has. )
No one here knows that. (That he's a dashing war hero.) Your accomplishments don't mean much here, just like my title has no standing. However anyone treats you is based off of how you've treated them since being here, whether you consider those actions your own or not.
Based on that, you can decide how you want to be. I won't tell you how to live your life here.
Vaguely. [Between the fact that he was drunk at the time and the brainfog he's got around all the Raven memories. But hm. That's true. The people here have no preconceptions about him or even the Imperial Knights, one way or the other. But he's still not really in full control, is he? People have their memories of this "Raven," and even if they understand he's not that person, they're still going to weigh his actions against whatever that man did or said.
Not that it really matters. He's just a mask, an empty shell without a will of his own. What's he even supposed to do without the Commandant here?]
(What a sad, sad man, he thinks. Was this person inside Raven the entire time? He must have been. It's not like this is an entirely different person. He's only seeing a different side to Raven now.)
... Yes. All Schwann Oltorain knows how to do is follow orders. I feel like I- that I want to trust you. [He doesn't clearly know why, of course. But if that other him did before, why not.]
Maybe it's the wrong choice, but that would hardly be my first.
(As heir to House Riegan, he was expected to rule. One day, he would become the Duke and and lead the Alliance. On the brink of war, he would have to learn to command soldiers and get others to follow is orders. It's why he leads the Golden Deer, a role meant to prepare him for an even greater one. A day will come when lives depend on him. A time will come when he can control lives.
It isn't something he accepts lightly but it's something he can roll with easily enough.
(Thank you for not zapping him, Schwann. It would make this all a lot less cool.
He doesn't touch Schwann's hand, instead, he keeps his own hand sort of... hovering in the air over his for a bit and then... Grabs it. Let him zap you. Once. And he'll let go.)
Whether you feel like it or think you deserve it, you're alive right now. If you want me to tell you how to live your life, then I'm telling you to live. That's all. Get to know people, let them get to know you. Make friendships. And as long as you're here, be careful.
[Ouch!! But also he isn't really that surprised, jumping slightly more out of a reflex to the pain than anything.]
... I suppose I don't have a choice, if it's an order. [He smiles, but it's... sad. He's not sure if he can properly honor Claude's orders, but it's a nice thought.]
When you die, that's it. It doesn't matter what you've done, what you meant to do, or what you ever wanted. It's over.
I don't know what you want... but I think you want something. And as long as you're alive, I hope you can find it. If that thing you want ends up being death then... at least you can say you lived.
(That's what he thinks. And that's why he isn't letting it go.)
[He could lie. Just reassure Claude that yes, he's right, and he doesn't have to worry. But... Claude's basically an adult. Or at least he deserves to be treated as one.]
... I'm sorry to disappoint you, Claude. Maybe the man who died had a will like that. But an empty shell doesn't want anything. [He doesn't want to die. But he doesn't want to live, either.]
But I'll do my best to do as you asked. [To not die.]
[Ow!!! Rude!!! The expression of pain and surprise on his face then is so genuine and probably the most emotion he's shown since... this whole thing happened. It's kind of bleak that it's moments like this when he most looks like "Raven" again. And then he actually shifts into vague annoyance.]
I- That's my point. I'm telling you there's no reason to. I'm staying alive purely because you told me to. There's nothing that I want.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Week 2, Thursday
(Emotions are pesky things)
(Able to slip through cracks)
(Reveal what's truly going on behind the mask)
It's best if he figures out his own thoughts and feelings before approaching. And when he's finally ready, he hails Schwann down. Claude's feelings are as sure and determined as ever! He refuses to be shaken about this. And he only has to redirect his drive, shifting from "the bigger picture" to the "piece in front of him."
It isn't perfect. Emotions are pesky.
(Especially when they're forced into the open like this)
And there's an underlying tension to it all. The air isn't as light as it should be. It's heavier because this is something serious.
It's fine. He knows he isn't the only one who has to put their feelings out into the open. He's counting on this week's strange effect to really pick at Schwann.)
I hope I'm not distracting you from anything, Captain. (His tone is airy,) I'll try to not keep you too long.
(He's willing to stick with this as long as he has to.)
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You’d have never thought Raven a dead man but Schwann? Well, it makes some sense.]
It’s quite alright. I am not busy. Was there something you needed?
[He forgoes the salute since Claude expressed not liking that.]
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He notes how flat the air feels around the other. It's so flat and heavy, he thinks. Yes, it does remind him of something dying hopelessly. )
Yes and no. (He came here with a plan,) First, I want to see how you're adjusting to your new character. Do you understand where you are? What tonight means?
(The air shifts. Concern. He's worried about him right now.)
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[He almost, just, very slightly, faintly, seemed offended.]
I understand the situation. I... remember having talked to people here, previously, but the memories are.... hard to fully grasp.
[He assumes because they rightly belong to Raven. He can't really remember that side of the conversation, and has only broad strokes of what others said to him.]
Unfortunately I'm not optimistic enough to think no one will die tonight.
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(If this is a result of Raven forgetting himself, then Schwann was always there. )
Should I welcome you back then, Captain? (Lightly,) "Welcome back."
(He hums, acknowledging his answer and replies,)
Neither am I. That's why I wanted to make sure you understood the situation. There are people here who would help you, captain, myself included. You don't have to be alone tonight.
(Claude would stay with him and he knows others would as well.
Tapping his chin, thinking,)
I'll be honest, my reasons for wanting to speak to you are largely selfish. We've spoken about some... sensitive things and I want to see if you recall them or not and find out what you think about this information now.
You've presented yourself as a dependable knight, willing or not (The lack of desire he's sensed from Schwann doesn't leave him feeling very optimistic,) and I would like to trust you. But the reality is, you never told me about this part of yourself so we'll have to start from the beginning.
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[He's been invited... all is well. (Except then it wasn't but spoilers.)]
... I'm willing to answer some questions. I do remember what you told me, about the Leicester Alliance and your position within it. Your upbringing.
[Yeah. All of that seems clear enough? Even if he can't really remember the details of the conversations he learned it.]
no subject
(He's teasing! But he's also... relieved. (Hah.) It's nice to know that people are looking out for him, even if he's like this. (H A H.))
Can you tell me about yourself some? You told me you're a knight of the empire but before, you were a-- and I quote-- "glorified gofer" for a guild.
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Is that what it was? Lup told me "Raven" worked for the Don but didn't specify.
[Is that really all it was? Well, even if it was a low ranking role, as long as he interfaced with the Don directly, it'd be a good way to get information without attracting attention.]
There isn't much to tell. As First Captain, I report directly to the Commandant. My brigade is small because I spend most of my time on individual assignments from him. Better to keep me out of the public eye so they can maintain the myth of dashing war hero Schwann Oltorian.
no subject
(He was a spy. And yet, now Claude wonders if there was even more to that. A spy pretending to be a spy... how deeply layered that is and what implications it has. )
No one here knows that. (That he's a dashing war hero.) Your accomplishments don't mean much here, just like my title has no standing. However anyone treats you is based off of how you've treated them since being here, whether you consider those actions your own or not.
Based on that, you can decide how you want to be. I won't tell you how to live your life here.
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[Between the fact that he was drunk at the time and the brainfog he's got around all the Raven memories. But hm. That's true. The people here have no preconceptions about him or even the Imperial Knights, one way or the other. But he's still not really in full control, is he? People have their memories of this "Raven," and even if they understand he's not that person, they're still going to weigh his actions against whatever that man did or said.
Not that it really matters. He's just a mask, an empty shell without a will of his own. What's he even supposed to do without the Commandant here?]
Someone has to. It may as well be you.
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Do you mean that?
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[He doesn't clearly know why, of course. But if that other him did before, why not.]
Maybe it's the wrong choice, but that would hardly be my first.
no subject
(As heir to House Riegan, he was expected to rule. One day, he would become the Duke and and lead the Alliance. On the brink of war, he would have to learn to command soldiers and get others to follow is orders. It's why he leads the Golden Deer, a role meant to prepare him for an even greater one. A day will come when lives depend on him. A time will come when he can control lives.
It isn't something he accepts lightly but it's something he can roll with easily enough.
He holds out his hand to Schwann Oltorain,)
Give me your hand.
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So he holds out his hand, not putting it in Claude's because... the shocking... Please do not stab him with a needle again, you madman.]
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He doesn't touch Schwann's hand, instead, he keeps his own hand sort of... hovering in the air over his for a bit and then... Grabs it. Let him zap you. Once. And he'll let go.)
Whether you feel like it or think you deserve it, you're alive right now. If you want me to tell you how to live your life, then I'm telling you to live. That's all. Get to know people, let them get to know you. Make friendships. And as long as you're here, be careful.
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... I suppose I don't have a choice, if it's an order.
[He smiles, but it's... sad. He's not sure if he can properly honor Claude's orders, but it's a nice thought.]
You've been quite intent on this point, you know.
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I don't know what you want... but I think you want something. And as long as you're alive, I hope you can find it. If that thing you want ends up being death then... at least you can say you lived.
(That's what he thinks. And that's why he isn't letting it go.)
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... I'm sorry to disappoint you, Claude. Maybe the man who died had a will like that. But an empty shell doesn't want anything.
[He doesn't want to die. But he doesn't want to live, either.]
But I'll do my best to do as you asked.
[To not die.]
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Stop assuming things. I'm not disappointed in anyone. I believe in you.
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I- That's my point. I'm telling you there's no reason to. I'm staying alive purely because you told me to. There's nothing that I want.