RUFUS CATCH ALL

[laid]

[Imagine here the "I'm gonna pay you 100 dollars to fuck off" meme but it's Raven and Rufus and the text has been changed to say "not" before fuck off.]

Comments

[laid]

I dunno. Ya haven't really given a guy much ta work with, Rufus.

[But, one question has come up repeatedly;]

What're ya saving up yer money for?

[soulus]

Haven't you read the data? . . . I'm in debt.

[laid]

Well tell me about that then. How's a practical guy like you get into debt in the first place?

[soulus]

I don't want to talk about that.

[laid]

Well then tell me something ya do wanna talk about, then!

[HONESTLY!!!!]

[soulus]

A while back, I apprehended a soul collector who had escaped confinement. I brought him to the train that would take us to the Underworld, where he attempted to bribe me with half of his possessions.

[laid]

[There's... a lot to unpack here.]

Well.... did ya take the bribe?

[soulus]

All soul collectors say the same thing. They don't understand that they forfeit all of their possessions to the bounty hunter who catches them. Bribes are worthless.

[laid]

So ya would've gotten all his stuff anyway? Seems pretty lucrative.

[Well, time to ask the next burning question;]
What's a "soul collector," anyway?

[soulus]

An individual who unlawfully collects the souls of the deceased.

[laid]

I didn't know that was something ya could just grab.

[soulus]

There are ways.

[laid]

So is that yer job? Preventing people from snatchin' up souls?

[soulus]

No. My job is to hunt bounties.

[laid]

And then ya put 'em on some sorta hell train?

[soulus]

Yes. The bounties originate in the Underworld, after all.

[laid]

Just interesting since I don't remember goin' on any train when I died.

[soulus]

You must hail from a dimension that isn't recognized by the Underworld.

[laid]

[Hm.]

I dunno whether ta be relieved or concerned.

[soulus]

If you're concerned about where your soul will head once the competition ends, I can take it into custody.

[laid]

That depends, what're the benefits fer me?

[soulus]

All souls of mortals are eventually reincarnated. You can enjoy a new life, and I can collect your soul for a second time once you die then.

[laid]

[He still doesn't fully get it, but well, it's fine probably.]

Well, I'm sure my soul would be safe in yer responsible hands.

[But wait a second, this is Rufus;]
I ain't got any money ta pay you for all that, though.

[soulus]

Souls cost money. You would be paying me simply by existing.

[laid]

[Oh... cute.]

Consider me in your care, then. Yer a rough guy, but I think you're not a bad person, underneath.